"LOVING IN THE ONLY WAY THAT LASTS"
Friday, March 7, 2009
Travis Franklin
(Dedicated to my Son Michael)
It is mysterious how God works and what God uses to teach us about life and those incredible opportunities to realize those precious and sacred truths that are forever. I was dead asleep tonight when my son Michael called. Without going into complete detail regarding all that he shared with me suffice it to say that he called for advice in relationship to some direction about the current relationship he is in with his girlfriend. His query was one of those sacred and memorable moments between a father and a son whereby he was at a place of uncertainty and was open to listening to what the old man had to say related to his need. Out of love for my son I told him the truth about love as I now understand it and trust it. I told him the truth about love related to how God loves which is the only real and lasting love there is. I honestly shared with him out of my own experience of failing at loving with his mother. I told him what I now believe about love which I wish I had known at his young and tender age of 24. I wish I had known it at 50 when I had to face the reality of how I had failed badly at loving the woman I had been in covenant with for almost 25 years before it finally just fizzled out for us both.
The only love worth having and living is the covenant love modeled by the God of the universe in the way God loves each of us. Paul probably best defined it in I Corinthians 13. Paul should know. He, like me, had failed miserably at loving for the first part of his life. It was his warped sense of love and duty defined by a broken and sinful culture that had defined who he was and what he was doing when he met Jesus, the perfecter of God’s love on a dusty road to Damascus one evening. That encounter with Jesus changed Paul forever. He would never love badly again. And neither will I. I pray that neither will my 24 year old son. Oh, I don’t mean there won’t be mistakes made. After all we are only human. However, at least the purpose and understanding behind why we love will be right even though the expression might suffer on occasion in the translation.
I shared with my young son that love was God’s thing. I John 4 tells us, “God is love.” I believe that with all my heart. I hope it with all that I am because deep inside my soul I know, as do we all, it is really our only chance in this world. God knows that too. That is why God risked everything and sacrificed all he had and held dear by sharing his son with us. The problem with our culture and world is that we have so much that poses for love and masquerades as love. Love by its very nature is other directed. Love reminds us that it is not about us. Love is willing to lose it all for the sake of the other. Love is costly and it comes with a price. If you are not willing to pay a price than I doubt if you really love. I said I loved my wife for almost 25 years. Looking back I realize that I gave her far less than what she needed or deserved. It is still difficult for me to choke out those words. I loved her selfishly for many of the wrong reasons for much of our married life. I loved her because I didn’t want to be alone. I loved her because I really did want to care for someone. I loved her because I wanted children. I loved her because I wanted companionship. I loved her for every reason but the lasting one. I should have loved her because God loved her. I should have loved her because she was Laurie and there was no other person in the world like her. I pray that God, my children, and Laurie can forgive me for not loving her so.
I confessed such to Michael tonight because I wanted him to know there is a difference. I know now why Jesus went to the wilderness before he began his public ministry. He went there to see if he knew he was capable of loving as God loves. After the temptations and the pain and struggle of experiencing the difference between loving easy or loving hard Jesus dared to love with a cost attached that he was willing to pay. Until now I didn’t know the difference. Until now I wasn’t willing to pay the cost. Loving in a God driven way redefines everything. When you love like that sometimes you can’t even comprehend why or how because in a world like ours such love just doesn’t make any sense. By the judgment of our world does Bethlehem, the last supper, Gethsemane, the trial, the cross, the death of Jesus make any sense? Not one little bit! That is part of the mystery of how and why God loves. When you love like God does you just know like Jesus knew and you allow your knowing to lead you to your acting and you play it out and see where it goes. And sometimes it doesn’t go the way you thought it might. But even when it doesn’t you are ok with that because it is the loving that is most important not the results of the loving. That is a hard life lesson to learn. Because in our culture you always get what you pay for. Not so in loving like God loves.
As my son queried me as I gently shared with him that loving must be grounded in the only loving that really makes a difference in the world and that is the way God loves. I began to ask him about whether his insecurity around his girl was about him or her. By the end of our conversation I think he realized it was about him. That is the problem with loving in the way the world wants to cheaply define it. It ends up being mostly about us instead of all about the other. It pales in comparison to how God loves. I simply asked my son of 24 how he wanted to love this girl. Now that he knew there was a difference he realized in his heart that for him to choose to love involved the only kind of real loving there is, Godly loving. If he and she have any hopes of a lasting relationship Godly loving is the only chance they have. It is the only love worth loving. I, like him, know that now. I, too, will settle for nothing less. It is how and why God loves me, my son, my daughter, and everyone, everywhere.
Michael and I had quite the conversation tonight. He woke me from a dead sleep when I have really been tired. I am glad I leaned over and took the call. On the other end was my only son anxious, open, hurting, and asking. What a moment between parent and child. It will be one of those moments I will not forget. I hope it was one of those moments that long after I am gone he will remember too. My hope is that surely he knew that what I shared with him was because I love him. I will always love him. And my love for him will always be what is most important regardless of why he called or what he wanted.
I realized tonight that we humans keep settling for so much less than God has for us. When you know the difference as I do now in this moment it is really tragic to be aware of it. I can’t speak for tomorrow but at least for tonight I knew the difference and because of my love for my son so does he. My prayer for him is that he can do what I failed to do. Love her for her. Anything less than that is not lasting and will not work. I’m smiling as I relive our conversation over in my mind. There is just nothing like loving in a way that is lasting. It is one of God’s richest and best gifts to us! Oh, for the wisdom, courage, and faith to love like that always. Today, tomorrow, and forever!
Travis